Diabetes runs in my family. My grandma and grandad have it, 3 out of their 4 children have it, my cousin has it… It’s been creeping closer to me for years.
I had been dieting on and off for as far back as I can remember. My love for food and lack of willpower always beat whichever diet I tried. This yo-yoing backwards and forward, the endless cycle of hating my body but feeling guilty if I even looked at something tasty, took its toll on my mental health. Coming to the realisation that actually, I would be much better off focusing on loving myself rather than dieting was a complete game changer for me (thanks body positive instagram community). Why should I spend my whole life making myself miserable by avoiding certain foods, and putting so much pressure and importance on a number on the scales? To be honest, coming to the decision that I didn’t need or want to be on a diet was a RELIEF. I felt free. And much happier mentally. It was the heaviest I’ve ever been, but also the happiest I’d ever been.
In April 2019 I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I was almost relieved – I had been experiencing mild symptoms for a while and was pleased that someone in the medical profession had actually listened to my concerns and acted on them properly. Usually the doctor just palmed me off by sending my wee off to be tested for high sugar and chlamydia (always chlamydia, even though I’ve been in the same relationship every time they’ve tested me). The quote “we’d know if you were diabetic by now” had also been used at one point (I switched doctor after this). Diabetes was something I’d been expecting at some point in my life, and close family members also have it, so I had a good support network around me to help me adjust. I hoped learning how to balance sugars would be the miracle cure to some of my minor ailments. And it was. Starting on my medication made me feel so much better – headaches reduced, I felt better and healthier in myself, it literally felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest.
Mentally though? Yes I coped with it incredibly well, but I couldn’t help but feel like my body had betrayed me. I had finally started to love it and embrace it for everything it was and it had rewarded me by giving me a life long medical condition. A need to rely on drugs. A need to seriously look at the foods I eat and their sugar content.
I lost quite a bit of weight when I first started taking my medication (metformin), and everyone praised me for it. I kept reminding them that my weight lost wasn’t the result of hard work and dedication, it was due to an illness. I didn’t want to be complimented on my shrinking waist. Size is of no issue to me, and I’d rather be bigger and have a fully functioning pancreas and minimal health risks, than skinny and relying on medication.
There are actually a surprising number of things that can happen to your body if you don’t look after your blood sugars properly, and the wonderful NHS does regular check ups to monitor all these things. I have type 2 diabetes, so these may differ depending on the severity of the condition, but here is a quick list of some of the new things that I have to do now:
- I’m currently on 1 metformin tablet per day (with food). As I am so young, I will be on insulin at some point in the future, but whether that’s next year or 20 years from now depends entirely on how I manage it.
- Regular fasting blood tests to monitor blood sugar levels – these were every 3 months for my first year, then will be dropping to yearly after that. I have had more blood tests in the last year than ever before in my life. I used to faint at the thought, but now I don’t think twice about them.
- With the yearly blood test, I also have to submit a urine sample. Another way of monitoring sugars I suppose.
- I am medically exempt from paying for prescriptions! Which is great seeing as it would cost me over £30 a month to get all the drugs I need. Which is £360 a year. Thank god.
- Regular foot checks at home – diabetes can lead you to lose feeling in your extremities, which can have disastrous consequences (the nurse told me a story of a woman who had to have her foot amputated because she had stood on a drawing pin, not noticed for months, and it had gotten infected). You’re not supposed to wear sandals/flip flops, or walk anywhere bare foot (even inside) to help prevent catastrophe.
- Yearly foot checks at the doctors – they use a variety of things such as a tuning fork and a pin to check if you can still feel things. They also check toenails etc for any signs of infection, as it can take longer for diabetics to heal.
- A yearly eye test, where they give you an eye drop which enlarges your pupil so they can take a picture of your retina to look for any abnormalities. This didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would, but was very odd. The photos of my eyes after the procedure, before my pupils had shrunk again, are very freaky!
- I think I also get free regular eye tests, but haven’t tried that out yet.
- I have to let the surgery know when I’m trying for a baby. This is so they can give me any supplements that might help me conceive, and so they can change my medication if necessary.
- And when I do get pregnant, I will be considered a high-risk pregnancy. This just means extra scans and being more closely monitored to check that everything is ok, as there are a few complications that can arise from diabetes.
A note from my nurse: Type 2 diabetes is technically not curable or reversible. It is controllable to an extent that you don’t need medication, but once you have it that’s it.
I am monitoring what I eat, and really thinking about whether I need that extra treat or just fancy it, before taking it. I don’t feel like I’m on a diet, because to me this isn’t a diet in the usual sense. I have a reason (other than the mental pressures of society and body image) to pay attention to what I’m eating. I’m learning to love my body again. A year on and my weightloss has slowed down, but I don’t care. This isn’t about weightloss, it’s about blood sugars – and my blood sugar levels are balanced enough that the nurse has reduced my medication dosages. Which I’m proud of.
I’m still enjoying food and watching what I eat, but I have a very different and more positive relationship with it that ever before.
lauragetslost 